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Residencial Piancó, Vila Embratel, São Luís, Maranhão, 12.27.23, a.m.

Claudson da Cruz Silva, 40, likes dope. A lot.

He asked his wife Adriana Sousa Silva, 41, for money to score. The couple had a history of domestic violence, so she was used to this sort of thing.

She said no. Big mistake. Claudson asked himself, "You know,...what's the point of owning a machete if you're not going to use it once in a while?" He silenced Adriana once and for all.

Claudson attacked responding cops with the same wife-silencer, and was shot twice in the leg and once in the stomach. He's in serious condition, high as fuck on painkillers.

Tonight's program is dedicated to my most very special friend and #1 fan @jinder317, who has always appreciated my work.