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Dahi Bhale kitchen, Rani Bazar, Jampur Tehsil, Dera Ghazi Khan, 10.29.23, 2:40 p.m.

Asif started a whole gang of shit. In Pakistan. Not bright.

He thought he could MMA a co-worker who was not only much bigger than him, but only much better dressed. Snazzy blue devil.

Asif's Grim Reaper boss witnessed the ruckus, and, like any decent Pakistani boss, gave our boy a little licking. Asif then found himself flying into a propane tank, which caused a nearby vat of boiling oil to topple on him. For his final act, Asif performed The Electric Sand Boogaloo on CCTV for all the world to enjoy. So thoughtful.

Asif is no longer an issue, dying in hospital four days later.

The Grim Reaper and snazzy blue devil were initially charged with assault, but after Asif met the sand god, the boss' charges were upgraded to murder.