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A story by CharredTorso.

DUDE, DO YOU SMELL THAT?

Our Kaotic friend, FUALL asked about smells in a mortuary and decomposed bodies. I have written about dealing with decomposed bodies several times. I am not sure if the stories written below are reposts. Here we go...

Mortuaries, Funeral Homes, whatever you want to call them, offer a wide variety of smells. If you walk into the preparation room, where the embalming is done, unless there is a VERY powerful exhaust system, you will get the strong smell of Formaldehyde and other compounds in the embalming chemicals. Depending on the purpose, there are chemicals that will nearly knock you flat from their powerful, nose searing smell. I found out, after my 22 years in practice, that many of those chemicals are carcinogenic. Now days, embalmers dress like they are in the 'Hot Room' at the Center For Disease Control. If you smoked too, you were getting a double treat for your lungs!

When bodies are set up for viewing, they are often surrounded by floral tributes. After years in the profession, I couldn't smell the difference from a rose and a cactus. But most people will comment about how nice it smells in the mortuary. Every once in a while, for a wide variety of reasons a body set up for viewing will smell.....bad. Poor embalming, poor cleaning of the body after preparation. Gas, solids or liquids getting expelled from the body via various orifices can ruin your day and a casket.

A while back, I wrote a quick and dirty story about decomposition and animal/insect infestation. Human bodies will begin to decompose within minutes of death and if left unchecked will continue until there is nothing left but the smell, a few bones and an nasty stain. Embalming will stop or slow the decomposition process, as will refrigeration or freezing.

Decomposing human remains have a very distinct smell. Once you have smelled a few bodies in various stages of decomposition, you will be able to distinguish that smell from any others, including animals. A while back, I wrote about smelling a body will driving 65 mph down a freeway. The Highway Patrol and the Sheriff dismissed my olfactory abilities, until THEY found the body hours later. THEN they called me and showed up at my house demanding I respond to the sheriff's office or the scene. When I declined their offer (at 1 am) they sent 2 detectives and three black and whites to my house. It was a very short interview.

I have sat here for 10 minutes, trying to think of a place where I haven't recovered a human body. We even had a prostitute in a closet for three days, ripening. Her murderer paid the three days and asked not to be disturbed. He was long gone and far away when the maid made a grisly discovery.

Water, hillsides, cars, car trunks, houses, vacant lots, you name it I've scooped up a body there. When my wife and I drive around Los Angeles County, she gets a guided field tour of places I have been to pick up dead people.

When I was a cop, I ALWAYS got stuck doing the death investigations or babysitting the dead at a crime scene or accident to wait for detectives or the coroner. I offered my services and credentials to the Chief of Homicide Bureau where I worked as a cop. They were a clan within a clan and kicked me out of their office. I have mad skills in that realm, their loss.

If you want to learn more about police, coroner's, mortuaries or executive protection, drop your question in my Kaotic in box. CT.