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"I QUIT" Part II

My first I quit article is posted in my favorites a while back. Being bored and stuck at stately Charredtorso manor is taking it's toll. It's not all bad though. My older son just told me that "The Wicked Red Witch From Hell", almost got blown away by a Tornado in Texas today. Here are a few short stories to brighten your day.

Back during my tenure as a ghetto cop, I wanted to work a super special assignment for the state of California, Department of Justice. The work was incredibly dangerous and physically demanding, but I wanted to do it. I had to apply for the position and go through processing along with oral boards etc.

One part was a letter of recommendation from my PD. All they needed to say was I was an officer in good standing and that they would loan me out to the State. The State would even pay me for the three month assignment. I went to my Sargent, he did an Elmer Fudd impersonation and sent me to the Lieutenant, who kicked it up to the patrol Captain, who never responded to my request.

I walked into the Watch Commander's office and spoke to the LT. "Anything from the Captain on my request?" "Nope, nothing." "Ok then, fuck this, I am fucking resigning right fucking here and now."

"All I needed, after winning the metal of valor and numerous citations, was a simple signature of department letterhead.....Fuck this." A few minutes later, the Lt. ran into the locker room, where I was throwing my shit in a duffel bag. "Here, here's your letter, why are you so pissed?" "Lt., this has taken two months to get done what you did in 5 minutes."

I got the specialized assignment enjoyed it beyond reason. When I got back to PD duty after the three months, guess who was taking credit for me and the great job I did? That's right, the fucking Captain!

When the Wicked Red Witch From Hell, got me fired from a mortuary in California's Central Valley. I traveled to Northern California and out of desperation, took a job as an assistant manager. I negotiated a salary and stayed in a hotel until the Red Witch could come out and ruin THIS job too. The following day I started work and we got slammed. Five new cases and two funerals to direct. At the end of the day I was exhausted as were the other workers. The owner of the mortuary took me into his private office. "Damn, you did a great job today, but I am going to have to cut the salary we discussed yesterday." I had told him about my difficult position and my need for employment during my interview the day before. He figured he had me bent over a barrel and could screw me. "Alright sir, I understand what you are saying."

The next morning, with lots and lots of business to be done. I packed all of my stuff, checked out of the motel and drove the 4 hours back to my home and the Red witch. I didn't even offer a phone call to the asshole that owned the funeral home. The Red Witch became hysterical on arrival, demanding I turn around and drive back to Northern California. I suggested that she do something that was anatomically challenging. Amazingly, I got a check for the one day I worked for the mortuary.

Three days later, I was hired as a manager for one of a chain of mortuaries just south of Fresno. After all of the formalities and a firm agreement on my salary, the owner walked me out to the front of the funeral home. "Bring some casual clothing when you start Monday." "You are going to be painting the entire outside of the building." I smiled sweetly, nodded my head, went home and packed for a move to LOS ANGELES. I could make more money as a painter than as a Mortician any day of the week.

I was hired for off duty work doing security work. My new employer told me I would be working three nights at a factory in Van Nuys, California. There was a credible death threat and arson at that location and they hired my company and 10 crew members, including myself. I spotted another guy that looked like an off duty cop and we started BSing, while waiting for our supervisor to show up.

Out of the dark roared a beat to shit Cadillac. A goofy looking mid 30's guy got out of the car. He was at least 6'8" and probably weighed 140 pounds. He looked like he had been sleeping in his clothing for two weeks and hadn't bothered to shave. The supervisor started barking orders to the 10 gathered security persons, like we were getting off the bus for Marine training. Not impressed, my new cop friend and I stood back while this fool started distributing shotguns and shells from his trunk.

When he got to us he said: "You guys are cops right?" "Here, if ANYONE walks into this lot, cut 'em in two...." I looked sideways at the other officer as he handed us a shotgun and a box of shells. Without a word, I handed the gun back to him. "I am not going to do that, get one of these idiots to get you on the news and tossed in jail, not me." "I AM GOING TO WRITE YOU UP FOR INSUBORDINATION." "No you aren't, I am quitting before you get me into a massive law suit and get my ass arrested." By this time, the other cop has handing his gun back.

As we walked off the lot, the other officer suggested a bar where we could get a few free drinks. So the night wasn't a total loss.

Have dark questions about these dark times? Toss it in my in box or comments below.