SHE WANTS HER MONEY BACK

Submitted on 04/25/2018 by: Wicked
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a story by Charredtorso

While working up on the California central coast, we represented the coroner/sheriff. They had two investigators in the Northern half of the county that were sheriff's deputies. Between 8 am and 3 pm Monday thru Friday (unless they were eating lunch or at a 4 hour meeting) morticians were dumber than rocks and they were in charge. After 3 pm, until 7:59 am at night and on weekends, those two assholes dumped every investigation on the local undertaker, then they would second guess our paperwork and evidence preservation. I pointed out the way they did business, incurring the wrath of both investigators.

We had a labor contractor living in our city. By all observations, he was a vicious individual. He beat his wife and children like Metallica's drummer on a regular basis. Mexican women do not "rat off" their husbands, so he got away with the beatings for years. He treated his crews of migrant laborers
just as badly. He would beat them up if they complained about long hours and short paychecks. Because the laborers were all illegals from Mexico, he would call immigration on his crews just before pay day and pocket the money. (This was long before California became a northern province of Mexico)

One morning, just after 08:00, when the REAL INVESTIGATORS took over their duty, they found a body tied to a tree outside of town, burned down to a giant lump of coal. The labor crew bosses car was burned out about 20 feet down a dirt road from the tree in question. The Einstein investigators, based on all of the above history, decided they could not make positive ID of the remains. There were no dental records from Mexico and the fingers were burned up and off.

The long suffering new widow showed up at the mortuary with the standard demand to see her husband. The investigators and I refused her request. The two cops refused to release the remains to the family because they did not have positive ID on the labor bosses body. The cops decided to play hard ball and we had the giant lump of coal in our morgue refrigerator for over three months, before the local media got a hold of the grieving widow.

Chiquita snotted and cried for the TV news camera and the photographer for the paper. A lawyer got some free advertising by representing Chiquita against the County. Finally, after six months, the Sheriff/Coroner gave in. By that time there was plenty of money to send "Papi" to go and beat up a few angels in heaven. The grieving widow put out mucho dinero for a funeralia grande. Our two REAL investigators showed up at the funeral and tried to suck up to the widow, to avoid a big civil suit.

During this entire episode, my contempt for these two clowns with badges grew and grew. I thought of a way to take them down a peg or two. After thinking it out (without my employer's knowledge or permission) I called the two ass clowns at their office. "Uh gentlemen, we have a big problem." "Yeah, what's the problem?" "The widow Garcia just got off the phone with me." (Not her real name)
"She said that her husband called her from Mexico last night and she wants ALL of the money back for the funeral." I could hear some gagging and stuttering on the other end of my phone. "So uh, do you want an exact amount so the county can cut me a check, so I can pay her back?" The investigator did a very good impression of Elmer Fudd and said he would call me back.

Neither of the investigators spoke a word of Spanish, so I knew they wouldn't contact Chiquita until they could find a Spanish speaker to talk to her. I also knew they were going to leave town that afternoon for a four day state homicide investigator's conference and golf tournament. The whole event was just an annual excuse to get shit faced drunk for three days and nights at their sponsoring agencies expense. The thought of those two turds stewing for four days and worrying about telling the Sheriff how they fucked up would ruin their drunken debauchery.

That following Sunday night, before they returned home, I left a message on their office answering machine. In a carefully worded message, I told them that a part time employee that spoke Spanish and I had done their job and got the widow to admit to an attempted hoax. After that incident, the investigators even managed to praise some of MY investigative work, done on their behalf and treated me like my parents MAY have been married. As I have said before: It's the simple things that bring joy to my heart.

Darkwolfe

05/01/2018 09:03

Awesome story.. and..

"Because the laborers were all illegals from Mexico, he would call immigration on his crews just before pay day and pocket the money."

This explains why some legals are for illegal immigration. Constant cheap labor supply they can abuse and deport at will. The best side of humanity as always.

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Charredtorso

04/25/2018 12:58

FOR THE COMPLETE CHARREDTORSO STORY COLLECTION,
GO TO CHARREDTORSO'S "FAVORITE" SECTION.

https://www.kaotic.com/user/Charredtorso/favorite

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