YOU'VE GOT TO BE KIDDING

Submitted on 03/13/2018 by: Wicked
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a story by Charredtorso


I was working up on the Central Coast of California. We had a standard, everyday death call at the local hospital. Grannie had passed away and her husband of 50+ years was waiting at the hospital when I arrived. Gramps was a bitter old bastard, but I wrote that off to losing his wife.

During the funeral arrangements, Gramps mentioned that he MAY want to wait a year or so and ship his wife back to their home town back east. So at the end of the funeral, I suggested we remove the flowers in the head panel of the casket, to prevent mold, especially if Grannie was going East in a while. "Her grandchildren put that there and it's gonna stay." Then I suggested that he remove and take home his wife's very nice white gold watch and large diamond wedding ring set. "No, those are hers and they are staying with her.

Fast forward almost two years. Gramps walks into my office, looking like he just had a bleach and ground glass cocktail. He wanted to disinter his wife and ship her to Blah, Bla. "No problem sir, the paperwork with the health department will take a few days and it will be expensive....

After several days of County paperwork, cemetery paperwork and grave diggers work, we had Grannie in our garage. Gramps had purchased a quality burial vault and a quality metal casket. So there was no damage to anything on the outside of the casket. As requested, I called Gramps when Grannie got to the mortuary. "I WANT TO SEE HER TODAY." "Sir, I haven't opened the casket, I have no idea what she will look like. "I WANT TO SEE HER." and promptly hung up.

I had done the Embalming, so I wasn't worried about decay. When I opened the casket, all of her skin surface and part of her clothing was covered with all sorts of mold from the flowers I told him we should remove. The smell coming off of the mold was foul.

It took me two hours to remove all of the visible mold and clean up the casket interior. I was a little queezy, after inhaling all sorts of mold spores and who knows what else. Finally, Gramps, his son and a daughter show up. He walks up to the casket, looks at the ring on Grannie's hand, pulls back the sleeve on her arm, looks at the watch.

"Ok, close the lid and take her back to the cemetery." "Cancel the shipping and the other stuff......"
This old bastard spent TWO YEARS worrying about me stealing his wife's ring and watch. I wanted to smash him in the head and throw him in on top of his wife. The kids were as pissed and as shocked as I was. They apologized for dad being such an asshole.

I called the cemetery. They hadn't closed the grave and the burial vault was in place and still functional. After paying yet another set of fees, Grannie was back in her hole. It cost this old bastard about $4000 to prove that I didn't steal his wife's jewelry. I charged Gramps $500 for my mold mingling experience and put $300 of it in my pocket for my troubles. As far as I know, she is still in the cemetery....

mrfotis

03/14/2018 10:15

I thought that was a head of a snapping turtle......

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Darkwolfe

03/14/2018 07:00

"This old bastard spent TWO YEARS worrying about me stealing his wife's ring and watch."

By the sounds of the jewelry on her, gramps could clearly afford the digging up and reburial fee but, for as disgruntled and pissy as he already was, imagine how much more dick-ripping angry he was going home without catching you doing a damn thing. Fuck him, right in his wrinkled old ass, as George Carlin would say.

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Charredtorso

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dastiffy

03/13/2018 20:58

Where?

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Darkwolfe

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slayer29

03/13/2018 18:17

when his turn arrive to die i hope you will steal all his jewelry ! i count on you charred

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FloridaGuy

03/13/2018 16:24

Hey Charred: was the watch and ring worth enough for the old fart to spend that amount of money for nothing?

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slayer29

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