MAKE IT VIRAL:
a story by Charredtorso
I am in bed sleeping and minding my own business one night on the Central California Coast, when a call from the County Coroner/Sheriff's Office disturbs my slumber. As usual, the Wicked Red Witch began howling at me. There was a fatal collision on the rural road that passes through the middle of the Federal Prison Property. I jumped in my meat wagon and hurried to the crash location.
On arrival at the crash scene, I was met by Bureau of Prisons brass, California Highway Patrol and a local Sheriff's Deputy. The prison had their own inmate run fire department that were standing by also. There was a large tarp covering a large mound, surrounded by an incredible pool of blood, that was still expanding. WTF?
The story was that a Federal Corrections Officer left work about an hour earlier on his brand new Honda Gold Wing Motorcycle and was headed home. He was driving at or around the posted speed limit of 55 mph, when he T-Boned a full grown steer that had gotten out of a nearby fenced field. The results of the collision were spectacular. The Goldwing and it's driver had slammed into the steer at full speed and both were embedded in the steer.
First, I had to recruit the Prison Firemen to assist me. We had to extract the metal and the man from the meat. Jaws of life were mostly useless, so we had to go "old school" with axes and a Carbide saw.
Metal had fused with bone and gut and gore from both man and beast. We also had to deal with horrified co-workers of the officer, who were openly upset and some were crying.
After about 45 minutes, we had the bike and it's rider separated from the steer. Then, I had to separate the rider from the motorcycle. I kept finding steer parts intermingled with human parts, to further complicate the situation. It was another 45 minutes before the rider was removed from his Goldwing. "What do you want to do with the steer?" "That's not my problem, gentlemen." "I just became a vegetarian....."
After the paperwork and a call to the coroner's office, I headed home. All of the blood and gore that covered me was dried by this time and starting to stink. I stripped down to my underwear inside my garage and tried to sneak into the shower for a serious scrub. The Red Witch saw me and began ranting that I had been in bed with some bitch all night, screaming so loud, she woke up both of my kids. She followed me back out to the garage where I showed her the bloody clothing. "OH MY GOD, YOU MURDERED HER TOO?" The fun in FUNeral never ended!
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Bloody good sir.
Good one Charred.It made me hungry for a streak
Great story! thanks!
That was a good one Charredtorso!
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