IIIIIEEEEEEEEE, HELLLLLLP MEEEEEE!

Submitted on 05/08/2018 by: Wicked
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a story by Charredtorso

I was a brand new junior undertaker, working for the company that picked up bodies all over Los Angeles County. On weekends, I didn't go to school and could work funerals during the day andpick up bodies at night. On one of my first funerals I drove the second limo for a big Mexican funeral in East Los Angeles. When we arrived for the graveside service at Calgary Cemetery, there was a mob scene.

To begin with, the deceased had TWO families. Both of his wife's had a few children in their late teens or early 20's. The two new widows only became aware of each other when they all showed up at the hospital their husband died at, a near riot ensued. As the limos emptied out, the two widows announced to the world how the deceased had loved only them and what a wonderful and caring husband he was.

I stood back with the other limo driver as the casket was being taken to the grave by the pallbearers. Women, young and old, began dropping like flies. Screams and assorted soliloquies were conducted before the women fainted in the language of the Conquistadors. I got ready to run over and help the women, who were flopping around on the wet grass in their best Sunday clothing. My learned associate grabbed me, just before I took off. "Look kid, this is all bullshit." "It's like the Latin Grammy Awards for best acting." "Just watch, if people ignore their performance, they get up in a few seconds." "If the crowd is impressed and gathers around the passed out woman." "She becomes the "best actor" for that particular funeral." "No one really faints at these funerals."

Sure enough, if their speech and faint did well, they drew a crowd. Bad acting and a shitty fake faint would be an insult and everyone would look for a better performer. The fainting and speeches only slowed down when the priest was saying his prayers. When the service ended, the two wifes got into it and I thought they were going to fight. Finally, everyone stood back to watch the casket being lowered.

Mexican families told me that they ALWAYS stayed until the casket was lowered and most of the dirt was filling the grave. Apparently, Mexican Undertakers are not above dumping bodies into the grave and reselling the casket. To avoid suspicion, they watch the full burial. The grave they were using was a double depth grave. The grave was dug extra deep to accommodate two caskets. One of the wife's would spend eternity on top of their husband.

One of the widows was pretty worked up, by the time the cemetery crew was lowering the casket. She had fainted several times and by all factors was considered a good actor. When the casket was about half way down in the grave, she jumped on the casket and "rode it to the bottom of the hole.
That put her performance over the top. everyone at the funeral said she must have loved Julio more than her rival, with a stunt like that! Her "stunt" set off another round of hooting and hollering by most of the women in attendance.

Above all of the screaming and crying came a voice: "Geeeeeeeet meeeeeee ouuuuuuut of deeees hole!" Mexicans were losing their shit, right then and there. The cemetery crew had to run off and find a ladder so they could get the women out of the extra deep grave. She was all mud smeared, with her nylons all torn. Neither of us limo drivers wanted her in our car that we had spent an hour cleaning before the funeral. Finally my associate relented and we dropped the family off at a banquet hall for a morning, afternoon and evening of world class beer drinking and late in the day, brawling.

For the rest of my career, I had real trouble taking Mexican Funerals seriously.

Darkwolfe

05/21/2018 15:33

"Mexican Undertakers are not above dumping bodies into the grave."
"For the rest of my career, I had real trouble taking Mexican Funerals seriously."

Now now, we have SJW's on this site who think all races are just as bad.
You don't wanna get them all worked up, they're worse than the blacks and Latinos you saw in Cali.
Ahhh. Shit, now I've done it too

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Bo4ever

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Bo4ever

05/09/2018 08:20

Awesome story!

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Bscontainer

05/09/2018 01:20


All the worlds a stage,
And all the men and women merely players;
They have their exits and their entrances.
Great Caesars Ghost!

Rated by: 3
COMMENT RATED BY:
dastiffy
Bo4ever
Charredtorso

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