Kaotic Joke Contest!

Submitted on 06/21/2017 by: RoadPizza
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Write a funnier joke in the comments below and I'll give the best one 1000 of my points!

Dastiffy, Wicked and Marco were three extra horny dudes driving cross country to another Kaotic orgy party when the car broke down in front of the only farmhouse they could see for miles. They could get no cell signal so they went up to the house and asked for help. The farmer Charredtorso said a tow truck wouldn't come until tomorrow, but they were welcome to stay overnight in the spare bedroom. "Just don't stick yer dicks in the three holes in the wall. On the other side is the bedroom of my three beautiful daughters UKChrissie, Kimberly and Dukehotty." said the farmer. "Oh you can trust us sir" said Dastiffy with a smirk and they all went to bed.
The next morning the farmer and his wife were sitting at the table alone. The farmer was laughing, "I told them boys we had three beautiful daughters and then hooked the milking machine up to those mouse holes in the wall." The wife looked around and asked, "I see they didn't show up for breakfast, what are they doing now?" The farmer replied, "Altogether, about a gallon per hour..."

Weed

10/28/2017 17:30

English Class
the teacher asks the children to make suggestions for the words "yellow" "green" and "pink"
says Anna,my car is yellow
bravoAnna says the teacher
says John
the grass is green
bravo John said the teacher and so ....
All the students went and Jack was the last one
the teacher tells him....Jack go ahead , make a suggestion but do not use a bad language because I'm afraid you will ...

Jack says 'no this timew please let me say
Teacher says 'ok go ahead''
So Jack goes, ...(he pretend he was holding his phone in his ear and goes)
green greeen greeen greeen(phone sound)
yellow?? yellow ??????
who is it 3 oclock in the morning???
Who???
FUCK YOUUU
pink
and closed the phone!!



Rated by: 2
COMMENT RATED BY:
RoadPizza
azza85

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azza85

07/13/2017 13:23

Whats got one ball an fucks women ?
Peter sutcliffes hammer

Rated by: 1
COMMENT RATED BY:
RoadPizza

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Dezza

07/01/2017 05:53

Q. Whats white on the bottom and black on top?
A. Rape.

Rated by: 4
COMMENT RATED BY:
Wicked
azza85
buckwheat
Jallamedalla

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azza85

06/30/2017 06:14

Whats the difference between a pair of tights an a cop car ????

You can only fit one cunt in a pair of tights

Whats the difference between a truck full of sand an a truck full of babies ???

You cant get sand out with a pitchfork

Rated by: 2
COMMENT RATED BY:
RoadPizza
Wicked

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RoadPizza

06/24/2017 04:28

I just heard this one:
Whats the difference between your dick and a bonus check?

Your wife will always blow your bonus check

Rated by: 1
COMMENT RATED BY:
Wicked

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Genman

06/23/2017 22:41

What do you call an anorexic girl with a yeast infection?

A quarter pounder with cheese.

Rated by: 2
COMMENT RATED BY:
RoadPizza
Wicked

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Moderator

Marcotique

06/22/2017 22:45

I laughed my ass off! 5K to RP, RoadPizza makes winners or wieners, suck it up buttercups!

Rated by: 2
COMMENT RATED BY:
RoadPizza
Wicked

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Genman

06/22/2017 20:27

What do a pizza delivery man and a gynecologist have in common?

They can both smell it but they can%u2019t eat it.

Rated by: 2
COMMENT RATED BY:
RoadPizza
Wicked

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RoadPizza

06/22/2017 09:22

What's black and white and read all over?
A newspaper.

What's black and white and black and white and black and blue and red all over?
A nun falling down the stairs.

Rated by: 2
COMMENT RATED BY:
Wicked
FUALL

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Sardonis

06/22/2017 08:03

Ok. I'm going for the winner now.

You know like when you're driving high speed on the highway, there are flies and bugs crashing all over your windshield?
Well... What is, the very last thing, that goes through the mind of a fly, when crashing against your windshield?

Its' arse!

Rated by: 3
COMMENT RATED BY:
UKChrissie
RoadPizza
Wicked

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kingoral

06/22/2017 07:23

if you know a chick with small tits and a big ass say hey i know an old trick to make your tits bigger no really just take some toilet paper and wrap it around your hand a few times then every night before bed rub it between your tits..... she will say bullshit that will not work then you say well it sure worked on that ass didnt it

Rated by: 6
COMMENT RATED BY:
UKChrissie
RoadPizza
Wicked
FUALL
TheCrash
santa214

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Super
Moderator

Marcotique

06/21/2017 21:31

Spider was hanging from edge of cloud way up high. He couldnt jump because the drop would have killed him. He decided to spin some web and lower himself to ground.
At the point where there was 1 km to ground the spider begun to get weak and thought that the drop is still too big. The spider was hardcore little spider and he managed to push 200m more of web.. THEn he was totally exhausted and world was still so so far away and suddenly a voice rumbled from the skies: Stiffy, Stiffy! WAKE UP! You have once again shitted the whole bed!!

Rated by: 7
COMMENT RATED BY:
dastiffy
UKChrissie
RoadPizza
FUALL
Wicked
TheCrash
santa214

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FUALL

06/21/2017 20:55

And I want delviz to write out a long toungetwister joke on here
Delviz you know any good jokes for us?

Rated by: 4
COMMENT RATED BY:
dastiffy
UKChrissie
RoadPizza
Wicked

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FUALL

06/21/2017 20:45

An old couple are driving home from a wedding when they get pulled over, the cop comes to the window and says your taillight is out. The man says he checks the lights every time he gets in the car. His wife leans over and says I've been telling him for two weeks to fix the light. He looks at her and yells at her to shut the fuck up your only making matters worse and she shuts up. The cop then asks why he isn't wearing a seatbelt and the man replied I took it off to get my wallet out of my pocket. His wife leans over and say I've been telling him to wear his seatbelt for 20 years, 20 years I've been telling him that. The man looks over and says I told you before to shut the fuck up now shut the fuck up cause now your really making things worse and again she shuts up. The cop walked back to his car and Writes him up for the light and the seatbelt. He comes back to the car and says here's your ticket sir and then leans in and asks the wife if he always talks to her like that and she says no only when he's drunk!

Rated by: 5
COMMENT RATED BY:
dastiffy
Marcotique
UKChrissie
Wicked
santa214

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Genman

06/21/2017 19:54

What's the difference between puberty and a priest?

Puberty waits until your a teen to come over your face.

Rated by: 3
COMMENT RATED BY:
Marcotique
RoadPizza
Wicked

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Genman

06/21/2017 19:51

How do you get a Muslim woman pregnant?

Cum on her sandals and let the flies do the rest.

Rated by: 4
COMMENT RATED BY:
dastiffy
Marcotique
RoadPizza
Wicked

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Super
Moderator

dastiffy

06/21/2017 18:03










Rated by: 6
COMMENT RATED BY:
mudshark
RoadPizza
Marcotique
UKChrissie
Wicked
TheCrash

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FUALL

06/21/2017 16:13

What do ya call a Black guy on a new bike, a thief!!

It's all I had

Rated by: 6
COMMENT RATED BY:
dastiffy
RoadPizza
Marcotique
UKChrissie
Wicked
buckwheat

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mudshark

06/21/2017 14:35

This guy comes into a bar, walks up to the bartender. Says, "Bartender, I got me a bet for you. I'm gonna bet you $300 that I can piss into that glass over there and not spill a single, solitary drop." The bartender looks. I mean, we're talking, like, this glass is like a good ten feet away. He says, "Now wait, let me get this straight. You're tryin' to tell me you'll bet me $300 that you can piss, standing over here, way over there into that glass, and not spill a single drop?" Customer looks up and says, "That's right." Bartender says, "Young man, you got a bet." The guy goes, "Okay, here we go. Here we go." Pulls out his thing. He's lookin' at the glass, man. He's thinkin' about the glass. He's thinkin' about the glass. Glass. He's thinkin' about the glass, glass. Thinkin' about his dick. Dick, glass, dick, glass, dick, glass, dick, glass, dick, glass, dick, glass, dick, glass. And then, *foosh*, he lets it rip. And he pisses all over the place, man. He's pissin' on the bar. He pissin' on the stools, on the floor, on the phone, on the bartender! He's pissing everywhere *except* the ******* glass! Right? Okay. So, bartender, he's laughing his ******' *** off. He's $300 richer. He's like, "Ha, ha, ha, ha!" Piss dripping off his face. "Ha, ha, ha, ha!" He says, "You ******* idiot, man! You got it in everything except the glass! You owe me $300 punta." Guy goes, "Excuse me just one-one little second." Goes in the back of the bar. In back, there's a couple of guys playing pool. He walks over to them. Comes back to the bar. Goes, "Here you go, Mr. Bartender, $300." And the bartender's like, "What the **** are you so happy about? You just lost $300, idiot!" The guy says, "Well, see those guys over there? I just bet them $500 apiece that I could piss on your bar, piss on your floor, piss on your phone, and piss on you, and not only would you not be mad about it, you'd be happy."

Rated by: 8
COMMENT RATED BY:
Wicked
UKChrissie
FloridaGuy
dastiffy
RoadPizza
Marcotique
TheCrash
santa214

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illogical

06/21/2017 12:53

Dastiffy and all the Kaotic Mods decided to go to the Eat My Beef Steakhouse for their weekly feast.
"What ya havin chubby" the waitress says to Dastiffy
"32oz rib eye, bitch" says Dastiffy
waitress says "what about the vegetables"
Dastiffy says "they will have the same"

Rated by: 6
COMMENT RATED BY:
Wicked
UKChrissie
RoadPizza
dastiffy
Marcotique
TheCrash

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