NOBODY WANTS MY JOB

Submitted on 01/31/2018 by: Wicked
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a story by Charredtorso

I stopped by my mother's house one afternoon. I had picked up a body at a nearby hospital and hadn't seen her for a few weeks. She had a Plumber just finishing up some work at her house, so out of curiosity, I picked up his bill. After I was able to close my mouth and my eyes rolled back where they belonged , I observed: "Damn, I am in the wrong business. You are knocking down some serious cash."

He looked at me with contempt in his sewer shark eyes. "I have the dirtiest job in the world." "No one wants to do what I do." "That's why I make decent money.

I paused for a moment. "Have you ever carried a decomposed body down 3 flights of stairs and had the huge blisters burst on you?" "Have you ever scraped brains and bone of a 16 year old kid that blew his own head off, off the wall and ceiling to quiet his mother?" "Have you ever had to take a dead newborn baby out of the arms of it's mother?" "How many bodies have you pulled out of water after they have been floating for a week?" "How many suits or dress shirts have you ruined at work?"
"What's the largest number of bodies you have Embalmed from one wreck in a single night?"

The plumber stuttered and stammered for a few moments. "I've never done anything like that...." "I am a Mortician." "I do that sort of thing all of the time.....FOR ABOUT A THIRD OF THE MONEY YOU GET." "Don't fucking try to tell me YOU have the dirtiest job in the world." I thought I had goaded him into puking at one point. But he managed to get my mother's check and stagger out to his van.

StabbyTheClown

02/01/2018 08:08

Fuck Yeah Charred!
I was a fire rescue worker for years and you haven't lived until you go to a home and go in and it smells good like a freshly roasted pig.
You go in the bedroom and find homeboy dead as fuck right next to the space heater and the cat and dog have been helping themselves to the freshly cooked meat.
The best part is we went back to the station and had pulled pork for lunch and no one skipped a beat.

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Get Zappad

02/01/2018 04:07

Absolutely fabulous!!!

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veryevilnip

02/01/2018 03:56

plus 1

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UKChrissie

01/31/2018 21:00

Our Charred!



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