MAKE IT VIRAL:
a story by Charredtorso
Most people, cops included want to be home with their families on the big holidays. When I was a cop, I looked forward to working holidays. Holidays ALWAYS were entertaining, the mix of alcohol, drugs and relatives you hate, created some very entertaining shifts.
One Thanksgiving stands out in my mind. There were 30-40 family members gathered at a home in a nicer part of the ghetto. Family members that had nothing to do with each other except on Thanksgiving and Christmas, had been drinking and smoking since late in the morning. According to family members, there were ex-wives, baby momas, the family crackhead fresh out of rehab and several hard core alcoholics at the family gathering.
Around 4 pm, a huge amount of food was served to the family and everyone started to be seated around the tables. No one knew (or would admit to) how it started, but an insult here and a shove there let to an epic food fight! The highlight was the man that picked up and hurled the 25 pound Turkey at someone seated at the far end of the main table. Granny took a big bowl of mashed potatoes to the head. A whole ham was thrown, soon everything on the tables or in the kitchen, was in the air or splattered around the living room-dining room area. Someone called the cops when cutlery was brandished and punches were thrown.
When the cops arrived, it looked like the food fight in ANIMAL HOUSE. Food was all over the walls and drapes. Dishes, pots and pans were all over the place, broken with their contents spilled out.
Women in there holiday finery were smeared with all sorts of liquids and solids. Their expensive processed hair and weaves were splattered with cranberry dressing. Men and women were rolling around on the soiled carpet, trying their best to beat the shit out of each other. It took 10 cops about 15 minutes to quell the disturbance.
Everyone involved in the food fight and brawl was trying to call their lawyer or demanding an ambulance, while pointing at others, demanding they be arrested. (You would be amazed at how many people were friends with O.J.'s attorney, Jonnie Cochran. When I told several that he had been dead for years, I was called names and my intellect was challenged.)
Finally, as happens with certainty in the ghetto, everyone was demanding our names and badge numbers, threatening massive law suits. One of my friends was a Sargent. He offered to withdraw all of the cops and let them go back at each other again. To our surprise, no one thought that was a good idea. Granny went off by ambulance for skull X-rays and a few stitches. Everyone else either left the party or went back to drinking.
I nearly bit my lower lip off, to keep from laughing. It looked like a grenade went off in a restaurant dumpster. Fro my, it WAS a happy holiday.
I think next time, bear mace from a distance, and keep bear macing till everyone
is complicit. If one person is still wild, bear mace them all again, and repeat till its
no longer funny.
WTF WTF WTF
THIS IS WHAT WINNING LOOKS LIKE
ASSFUCKING AN AMAZING TEEN
DON'T TRUST STRANGERS
IS HE A MUTANT?
I DARE YOU TO BANG MY VIRGIN FRIEND
5 WAYS TO BE DESTROYED
JAW DROPPER ALERT
THAT'S HER COUSIN BEHIND HER
BEST VALENTINES DAY